When God Throws You a Surprise Party

There I was, sitting in the car, crying over my Chicken Soft Taco from Taco Time, unable to finish it. Yes, I was that upset.
Worry hung over me like a little large black rain cloud, its rain flooding me with doubt and discouragement. I had taken a quick peek at my bank account after a rather impulsive purchase, something I hate doing….Looking at my bank account, that is. I love impulsive purchases. The number was small.  And the enemy decided to use that small number to pick me apart piece by piece.
This is what I began to hear.

“Undisciplined.”
“You won’t ever be able to flourish with such irresponsibility.”
“How can you expect God to work in you and for you when you’re lacking self-control?”

“You’re failing. Falling behind. Look at how hard everyone else is working?”
“Any efforts you make amount to nothing.”

 As I grow, both in years and in faith, I become increasingly more aware of my problem with discipline, or lack thereof. It is this awareness, however, that I have seen God use to humble me, gently convict me, and tenderly shape me more into His very likeness. Most days, I marvel and rest in this truth, thanking God for weaknesses that fasten my dependency on Him, but also for His strength to fight the urge to let those weaknesses define me. Other days, days like yesterday, the enemy rolls in like thick fog, clouding over any light of this truth.
And, for a time, the enemy “wins.” I feel defeated.
In my defeat, I weep at the feet of my Savior, praying that He would wash over my sin, make me new with His mercy, and help me begin again. Help me keep walking forward. Even though I know Christ died for this grace to be freely mine, I doubt, feeling like there will be consequences for such foolishness.
I’ll have to pay. God’s blessings simply can’t be for me anymore.

But then I hear Him whisper, “My grace.”
I get off work today to receive a text from one of my best friends and future roommates that we had found an apartment. This has been an unexpected burden to bear the past several weeks after our original housing arrangements fell through.
After weeks of searching and no openings, God opened a literal door. The door to our new home. The door to a place that meets our unique needs in specific ways.
I hear Him whisper, “My grace.”
After sending in applications and payments, I spend the afternoon with my best friend from Whidbey. She surprised me with a date, very much like The Bachelor, she added. We went to the beach and flew $1.50 Barbie and Cinderella kites till the wind turned our faces red and our hair into a mess.
I hear Him whisper, “My grace.”
We then drove to a little cafe to warm up over hot chocolate. Not only did our friend who worked there give us a discount on our drinks, but she brought us out a scone. For free. I’m telling you, God knew I didn’t have money to spend. He peeked at my bank account with me.
I hear Him whisper, “My grace.”

God’s grace is like the most perfect surprise party you could ever dream to receive.
After what feels like the billionth time I’ve failed Him, He reminds me,
“For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not of your own doing; it is the gift of God.” Ephesians 2:8
Grace is the very gift of God. Unable to be earned and impossible to drive away.
My sin, my foolishness, my unfaithfulness, my lack of discipline, cannot stop God’s grace. Which means my works, though works and growth is to be praised and is God’s mercy through sanctification, cannot earn God’s grace.
It is His gift to give and ours to receive. With humbleness, thankfulness, and an outpour of praise.

So, humble yourself. Repent. Walk in the forgiveness and freedom of God’s grace. And be surprised with what He will do in you and for you.

Thank you, Jesus, for Your mercy, which is new with every sunrise. You are God above the failings of my life, and You choose to not only work in spite of them, but also in light of them. Thank You for singing over me with Your unfailing love, reminding me of the joy and freedom that is to be found when I walk humbly in Your grace.

And thank You for surprise parties like the one You threw me today.
I was, indeed, surprised.